Had a bad day again

Well, maybe not again, but I definitely had a bad day. I knew when I walked in the door that my schedule was maxed out. I was right. Thirteen hours solid - no lunch, no dinner. But that's not why I'm so glad to close the book on February 20, 2007.

Doug's cousin sent me an IM early this morning to let me know that Grandma Lily wasn't doing so hot. That's an understatement. They've called hospice, she's breathing shallow and rapid, and they've got her on Xanax and Morphine. I'd say she's doing pretty terrible.

I called my mom to see if our pups could stay at their house while we're gone to Carlsbad for the funeral. She was acting a little off and I managed to pry out of her that her endocrinologist referred her to an oncologist today. My chest is still tight. I never understood people who had anxiety issues. I do now. Of course I cried, but that wasn't cathartic enough. I felt like I needed to scream, to cry, to completely and totally freak out.

My entire life, well, the last ten years or so, I've worried about dad. Heart surgery, back surgery times 5, issue after issue. I haven't ever stopped to worry about mom. Sure she's been tired for four years, but I chalked that up to a few minor disorders and depression. Never in a million years did I think that something this serious could possibly be wrong.

She'll go for her first appointment tomorrow at 1:30. Needless to say, I've talked to God a lot more than usual today. I would pretty much count on me being pretty worthless tomorrow, which accounts for the 13-hour day today. I know we won't know anything tomorrow, but I still feel like my chest might implode with the tiniest nudge - physical or emotional.