It was NOT ME who called an a/c repair man out to "fix" the a/c that wouldn't cool and wound up paying him to pick cottonwood fluff out of the a/c unit. It was certainly NOT ME who seriously considered sending the $85 bill to the neighbors who play host to the abominable beast of a tree. It was NOT ME who made the same neighbor's child remove himself from my garage while playing hide and seek with his brother. It was NOT ME who considered that the neighbor kid may amputate a digit while hiding behind my treadmill.
It was NOT ME who ran rampant through the house during nap time, straightening and otherwise de-cluttering in anticipation of the fast-approaching visit from my mother-in-law and her beau (who we have recently decided to just call "G"). It was NOT ME who spent nearly 20 minutes alphabetizing the DVDs in the guest room. It was NOT ME who nearly danced with delight when I realized that a crib AND a queen-sized bed could fit into the guest room (and future nursery). It was NOT ME who nearly cried, remembering nursing Daniel in that guest bed so many moons ago (by many moons, I mean almost 2 years as the bed went into storage when he was 11 weeks old).
If you saw anyone who resembled me doing any of these things, you are a stalker and deserve what you get! If you didn't see me do these things, it's because it was NOT ME.
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