Falling in love

Not too long after I met Doug, I knew (well. . . we both knew) that this was happily ever after. We were in love. Twitterpated, as Bambi might say. Head over heels stupid for each other. I fell in love with his smile, his voice, his vast and unusual vocabulary (go ahead and call me a geek now); I fell hard.

When you fall in love, there are a lot of things you don't think about when you daydream about your Prince Charming. You don't consider what life will be like when your sweetheart is sick. You don't think about how you'll spend holidays after you're married with children. Sure, you might have all of your future children named and all 12 minutes of your wedding down to a fine science, but I definitely wasn't thinking about my inlaws when I was busy falling in love with my husband.

The minute I met FIL, I knew we'd get along great. Doug had told me all of these horror stories about how terrified ex-girlfriends had been of FIL. Word? FIL and I hit it off in no time flat. When I met MIL, I wasn't quite sure what to think. She seemed. . . displeased. It wasn't until later (much later) that I learned she felt it was far too early after a bad break-up for Doug to be getting into a serious relationship. BIL is too easy to like. He's a mess, but he's charming and says all of the right things with the right tone of voice and can smooth over just about anything. SIL - BIL's then girlfriend and now wife - well, let's just say we had very backwards ideas about each other.

Over the last 8 years, I've grown to love FIL and BIL more and more. Easily. Smoothly. Without any reservations. In 2005, SIL and I really hit it off. We had each married a Carey brother and finally got to spend some time together alone in Phoenix. I finally figured her out and opened up to her. Later that year, her mom passed away. Seeing that we're both only children, I'm the only other woman in her family (aside from MIL) and the tragic passing of her mom lead to a much closer relationship between the two of us.

MIL, on the other hand (if you're reading this, just keep on reading. This is some rough stuff to write, but I'm gonna make it.), was a tough, tough cookie for me. The first few visits were rough. I was nervous. I felt like I had to live up to something and I had NO idea what that something might be. I walked on eggshells. I avoided starting any conversations at all and after I was verbally bludgeoned for my views on illegal immigration, I don't think I spoke more than one sentence at a time for at least 2 years. I honestly spent more time in the bathroom than was necessary. Not to avoid her, but to pray for strength to get through our visits. I felt like I was on some sort of trial. My home. My relationship with Doug. The meals I cooked. My career choice. It was no fun.

Now that I'm a mama, we suddenly click. I think somehow I realize that as hard as it is to stomach, I was on trial. Was I good enough for Doug? Would I be a good mother to her grandchildren? What did I want with her son anyway? Now that Doug and I have a baby together and she sees the love I pour out on Daniel, does she see me for who I really am? Was she worried we wouldn't work well together as parents? It doesn't really matter which of these questions apply (if any). I really think that it was my realization that I really was on trial that made our relationship mesh. It took a long time for me to come to grips with the idea that she has every right to put me on trial (as a good mother to her son), but now that I get that, I'm much less edgy and a lot less defensive about . . . well. . . everything.

It's truly a miracle that we fall in love with one person deeply enough to vow to be committed to him for the rest of our lives. To fall in love with the entire family? That's something beyond miraculous. That's something extra-planetary. Thank God for minuscule odds.