A messy day

When Seth Rogan gets around to making Knocked Up II: The first years, I have two scenes written for him. Warning: The main topic of this post is "poop." Those who have not yet had children may want to avoid reading any further.

It was a lovely Friday morning. The kids actually slept past 7:00 and we had plans to see old friends for lunch. I made my way into the kitchen to get breakfast going. Lia was kicked back in the nap nanny, Daniel was arguing with me about how many blackberries he was going to eat, and i was *just* about to pour my coffee. I looked over at Lia and noticed a yellowish line growing around her midsection. Yup. Poop. I'd been waiting on it for three days and I knew we were due, but man. I carted her off to her room to clean her up and quickly decided that wipes were no match for this load. I got her as clean as I thought she needed to be prior to a bath and headed back to the kitchen sink. En route, I got hosed. Big time. Here we are, not even 7:30, and we've both had a complete wardrobe change AND a bath. What a start to the day.

The rest of the day went well. I ventured out to the old office to catch up with my former coworkers. We chatted it up and Lia graciously filled another diaper for me. This one was not catastrophic and was easily changed in the back of the car before we headed home. Once we got to Buddy's house, little miss was hungry again. As soon as I finished feeding her, she started rumbling again. As I was sitting in my mom's La-Z-Boy, I jumped up in a hurry to avoid any permanent damage. As I did so, Mount Saint Lia erupted. Big time.

Thank God my parents have tile floors. Too bad dogs don't come with a standard tile option. My parents' cairn terrier darted past me as Lia let loose. You guessed it. Darby was covered in baby poop. She ran through a puddle of it, thrashing about wildly. She was all but chasing her tail in a fruitless effort to figure out WHAT was on her back. She was ushered out the back door while we attempted to get the mess under control. My dad was busy cleaning up the floors, I was busy bathing Lia (and trying unsuccessfully to avoid yet another full wardrobe change), Darby was busy scratching at the back door, and Daniel was running around in circles screaming about the non-existent poop on his hands. By the time everybody was bathed, changed, and poop-free, I was laughing hysterically. I could absolutely see Kathrine Heigl and Seth Rogan playing me and my dad. I could totally hear the soundtrack playing in the background. Given a little more time to actually script the scene, I'm willing to bet that somebody in Hollywood would pay money for such a script. For now, it's just a typical afternoon in the life of a mama.